Another battle hymn for the (data protection) republic

According to my dictionary, an "ode" is "a lyric poem marked by lofty feeling and dignified style". So the following bit of doggerel is not an ode. But it is (somewhat) respectfully written - in homage to Google’s new “Dashboard” control panel, which enables people to more easily access and adjust their own privacy settings. The Dashboard was launched a couple of days ago, at a Data Protection conference in Madrid on 4 November.

I also (very) respectfully pay tribute both to Alma Whitten, Google’s software engineer for privacy & safety, while immitating the style (and using many of the phrases) of Julia W Howe who, during the American Civil War, wrote the original verses of the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" in single evening at the Willard Hotel, Washington DC, on 18 November 1861. That's almost exactly 148 years ago.

This blog was crafted during the course of a single evening, too. And it shows.

I hope Alma won't be offended. I certainly don't mean to offend her. I met Alma last week at the Demos event in Bradford (which sparked my 2 November blog) and really enjoyed her easy manner, professionalism and deep commitment to fairness and transparency. She's one of Google's shining stars!


Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Board;
It’s a simple way of knowing how your preferences are stored;
And soon it will be winning every privacy award;
It’s truth is marching on.
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! The truth is marching on.

I've heard Alma speaking softly to a hundred data champs
They have builded her a platform for the evening dews and damps;
I can view her presentations by the dim and flaring lamps;
Her day is marching on.
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Her day is marching on.

I have read a fiery press release which really makes you feel
“You journalists are ignorant and just don’t get the deal”;
Let the Hero, born a woman, crush the serpent with her heel,
Since Alma’s marching on.
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Since Google's marching on.

Alma's helped to build a Dashboard where the picture is complete;
She is sorting out the hearts of men before they start to tweet;
Oh, with self control, now plead with her: Come photograph my street;
Our Alma’s marching on.
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! And Google marches on.

In the beauty of the lilies she was born across the sea,
With a glory in her bosom that transfigures you and me:
As she works to make men useful, let us work to make men free;
While Alma marches on.
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! While Google marches on.

She is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave,
She is wisdom to the mighty, She is honour to the brave;
I will start to use her Dashboard if you promise to behave,
As Alma marches on.
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Yes, Google marches on.