Friday, 10 January 2014

The EDPS appointment calamity: latest news

More gossip about the chaos that surrounds the non-appointment of the next European Data Protection Supervisor is emerging.

Last July, just as everyone was packing up for their August holidays, the European Commission sneaked out the EDPS job advert with such little fanfare that I don’t recall any seasoned data protection observers commenting on it.  None of the sociopaths and misfits that did apply were considered to have had the qualities necessary for the job, and evidently the search is still on.

It has been authoritatively reported that applications from two current serving data protection regulators with EU member states were rejected. If anyone knows who they are, please let me know!  I’ll keep the secret to my closest friends – honest.

Anyway, in light of the chaos, some bods within the Commission are frantically searching to see if anyone has any emergency powers to invest sufficient authority in the current Supervisor, Peter Hustinx, to allow him to continue until it is convenient for the Commission to appoint anyone else. The trouble is, no-one may actually have the legal authority to insist that Peter continues in his office, and if his extension does lack legal authority, any decisions he makes could have as much legitimacy as if they were made by the milk monitor at my local school.

In an attempt to be constructive, I’ve already offered my services as interim European Data Protection Supervisor.

In another attempt to be constructive, I’ve had a look at the EDPS application form and today offer a revised version, which might attract a more suitable range of candidates for the [opaque, but apparently independent] selection board to consider:


Whatsa u name:

U age:

Stritta name:

U ouse numba:

Isa u girl or boy? (Justte chuza one):

Putta down were u werka now:

Wasa u ever inna bigga job?        [ ]Si    [ ] No

Why u gotta fired from dat bigga job?
[ ] U gotta cought makin friends with some guyz at Google?
            [ ] U tooka pictures at a bunga bunga party?
            [ ] U din’t show enuf rezpecct for Vivien, the Main Mudda?

Ow muccha u ate dem guyz at Goodle, Facebook, Microsoft an Apple?
                [ ] Not as much as Vivien ates em
                [ ] More than Vivien ates em

Why U wanna be de bigga shotza somewday?
(writta letta between 5 – 10 pajis tellin us why)

U likka eat ...
Garlic     [ ]Si    [ ] No
Pizza      [ ]Si    [ ] No
Salami   [ ]Si    [ ] No

U know ow maker ciment shooz?             [ ]Si    [ ] No

U werra de glassis? [ ]Si    [ ] No

Whatta kinne glassis?
Georgio Armarni              [ ]Si    [ ] No
Prada                               [ ]Si    [ ] No
Google Glassis                  [ ]Si    [ ] No

U see de God Fadda (or justte de movie?)           [ ]Si    [ ] No

Make u marka                   [ ]Si    

Senda de form now (while u stilla can write)

Iffa u application issa approved, u willa getta desa benifts:
·         1 pair darka glassis
·         1 blacka shirt widda white colla    
·         1 appy face button
·         1 kilo mozerella cheeza
·         1 pair ciment shooz
·         1 pair pointie shooz
·         50 boyz to do da stuff
·         Worldwide firsta class travel for u an de boyz
·         U meeta de God Fadda
·         Free berial
·         18 x 10 picha Vivien Reddin

De European Commission is an equil oppertuniti organnnisationi

I also gratefully acknowledge the inspiration from