Wednesday 29 February 2012

That Regulation – as a carol

Today’s offering is the last in this short series of lyrical doggerel, and has been created just in case I’m invited to the Ministry of Justice’s Christmas Party this year (or any year, for that matter) and get asked to submit an idea for a festive carol about the new data protection Regulation.

Could I write something which, in typically solemn tones, paid tribute to the stoicism, sincerity and passion that the British negotiating team will be demonstrating over the next months (or years) as discussions focus on finding a common view about how to improve standards of data protection within Europe?

Well, I’ve turned my thoughts from the theatrical to one of the greatest stories ever told. Back to basics – and how much more basic can one get this - set in a Committee room in some grotty European Commission office building that will be used by the delegates who will get to know each other really well, and who will find it really hard to keep focussed on every legal, privacy and procedural detail that will be raised and debated so diligently?

They have a truly monumental task ahead, and they need as much support as we can possibly give them: All hail, the MoJ!

To put yourself in the right mood for this carol, you should imagine that you are participating in an all night business meeting – knowing that it’s not over, not yet. And not for a long while.


Away in the Commission
No time to be fed
The British negotiator
Had an ache in his head

The words in the official brief
Bounced straight off the page
Got the British negotiator
Worked up in a rage

The linguists are murmuring
The Vice Chairman wakes
But of the British negotiator
No notice anyone takes

I implore you, Mr Minister
Please make a try
To pay some attention,
As morning is nigh

Bear with me, Mr Minister
I ask you to stay
With the words you’ve been told to use
Then we’ll get home today

Bless all the dear negotiators
Showing privacy such care
Roll on the next meeting
And another nightmare

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