Friday 11 May 2012

Cookies: Last minute guidance from the great man himself

Not long to go now as nerves are stretched to virtually breaking point. Just two more weeks. Will the regulators take action, or won’t they? The tension will climax immediately after the world has learnt the identity of the winner of the Eurovision Song Contest. Then, attention will focus on the great cookie compliance saga. Yes, it will have been year (in the UK) that data controllers will have been given an opportunity to pay attention to rules that were supposed to take effect last May.

We Brits, being the great euro compliers that we are, naturally feel ready to occupy the moral high ground. It’s not that often that we can gently mock other EC Member States (I’ll try hard not to mention Germany) for not even bothering to get the basic legislation passed to implement the relevant part of the relevant Directive into German law.

Germany does have a good reason for their state of unpreparedness, after all. Just like Flash Gordon, they’ve been doing their very best to save the world (well, the Euro) from collapse this past year. And I’m really grateful to them for concentrating on the big picture. Like propping up entire economies and democracies. They’ve put the whole cookie debacle well down their list of priorities.

Anyway, I’m about to hit the conference trail, offering audiences my take on what they need to do to comply (when they feel that they can get round to complying, that is). I’m hearing a range of views on this matter, and am aware of the huge resources that are currently being devoted within some companies who are trying not to bankrupt themselves in the process of giving users what they think they probably want. Which is not necessarily what the rules appear to require that users actually want.

Today, I’ve turned to Bob Marley for inspiration, and trust that his estate won’t be too unhappy at the way I have messed around with his legendary lyrics.

So, enjoy working through your own cookie compliance programme – and enjoy the weekend, too.


here's a little song about cookies I’ve wrote,
you might want to sing it note for note,
don't worry, be happy

when you get rules like this that are so hard to apply
and web users don’t bother reading explanations you supply
don't worry, be happy

ain’t got no idea about what to do,
your IT department’s based in Timbuktu,
don't worry, be happy

the Commissioner say your website is late,
he may have to litigate,
don’t worry (small laugh) be happy,

look at me I’m happy,
don't worry, be happy

I give you my IP number,
and I get back adds to learn me how to rumba,
it makes me happy

don't worry, be happy

can’t get no help, compliance is futile
If I see the Commissioner coming then I’ll have to run a mile
but don't worry, be happy

might need to rethink this strategy if anyone see the big man frown,
‘cos that could bring everybody down,
so don't worry, be happy

don't worry, be happy now...

so, here’s this little song about cookies I wrote
I hope you learned it good note for note
like good web masters

don't worry be happy

listen to what I say
in your internet life you must expect some trouble
but if you worry you will only make it double
don't worry be happy
be happy now

don't worry, don't worry, don't do it,
be happy, I’ll put a smile on your face,
we’ll all ignore internet rules that are a disgrace

don't worry about the guidance in this verse
soon we’ll all be facing stuff that’s much more worse
don't worry, be happy,
I'm not worried

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