The success of last year’s predictions (see my blog dated 31
December 2012) has inspired me to try again. While a few were wide of the mark, others were
spot on. Can my predictions be as reliable in 2014? Only time will tell.
January
BBC choirmaster and broadcaster Gareth Malone OBE contacts the ICO chorus to ask if it is
interested in TV special, and a concert supporting Susan Boyle during the
Malaysian leg of her 2014 world tour. Information Commissioner Graham accepts
the offer, realising it’s the only way he’ll get the funds to travel to the
International Data Protection Commissioners Conference in Mauritius in 2014.
February
Emergency budget restrictions implemented at the ICO cause
BT to cut off all telephone and internet lines to the ICO’s offices in Wilmslow due to non-payment
of phone and internet bills. Problem noticed and resolved within 18 working days.
March
Roof falls in at the ICO’s annual conference in Manchester
after thunderous applause greets a short speech from Information Commissioner
Graham explaining what he really thinks of the soon-to-depart European Commissioner
Vivien Reding.
April
Deputy Information Commissioner David Smith announces that, as annual staff turnover is now
at a record 45%, to provide continuity of data protection guidance, he will
commit himself to remaining with the ICO until his 94th
birthday.
May
Commissioner Graham summoned to the House of Commons Home
Affairs Committee to explain why the roof of the Manchester Convention Centre
fell in while he was speaking last March. ICO ordered to pay the cost of the
repairs. ICO announces that it will do
so by cutting the number of enforcement staff employed to fine public
authorities for data protection breaches.
June
ICO announces that new budgetary restrictions mean more changes
will be made to the procedure for registering DPA complainants. To ensure that
complainants receive an even more attentive and personal service, complaints themselves
are required to attend the ICO’s offices in Wilmslow, Cardiff, Edinburgh or
Belfast in person to register their complaints. Emails containing complaints or
copies of documents are no longer considered acceptable and will not counted
towards the ICO’s statistics which show how it deals with complaints in a
timely manner.
July
Guardian Newspaper publishes more revelations from Edward
Snowden and the NSA. Information Commissioner Graham has evidently never been
of sufficient interest to the British or US authorities to require the Home
Secretary consider signing a warrant to intercept his private communications.
August
Information Commissioner Graham summoned to the House of Commons Home
Affairs Committee to explain why he was never considered sufficiently important
to require scrutiny from the intelligence services. Commissioner Graham
explains (yet again) that data protection is a bit of a Cinderella subject that
very few people take seriously, which is why hardly anyone has complained when
so much of his 2013 – 15 operating budget has been cut, and why so few national
honours have ever been awarded for services to data protection. Evidence
session brought to a prompt close to provide enough time for the next set of
witnesses, who are to be questioned on the social menace of dog fouling along
Frinton seafront.
September
Grand gala concert for the outgoing European Commissioner
Viviane Reding in the European Parliament celebrates her many triumphs. The
event is interrupted by a section of the audience who roundly boo the ICO
chorus, not because of their vocal abilities, but because they are accompanied
by the UKIP orchestra. Order only restored when Commissioner Graham and Viviane
Reding sing a tender duet together.
October
The incoming European Commissioner whose portfolio will
include Data Protection (some politician from Denmark, Malta or Norway) explains
that the Commission is now keen for the current Data Protection Directive
should be replaced by a slightly revised Directive, rather than a complicated
Regulation, to enable each EU Member State to be as beastly as they want to Apple,
Google, Facebook, Microsoft, Twitter, and Yahoo!.
November
The International Association of Privacy Professionals announces
changes to its daily news feeds. Such is the incessant data protection noise
from all parts of the globe that its daily digest will be replaced with an
hourly digest, bringing details of all those great seminars and webinars that people
can register to attend (and for such reasonable fees). Monthly IAPP conferences
are announced in every continent, causing many other data protection conference
organisations to cease trading. The European
Commission criticises the IAAP’s international privacy certification scheme,
arguing that it is not sufficiently focussed on local privacy rules.
December
A lucky data protection oik receives a letter from the Lord
Chamberlain’s Department, explaining that if they’re everso good then HM Queen
might be minded to award them a gong in recognition of their services to data protection.
Said oik is then asked, if the award is forthcoming, whether they might kindly
reconsider their previous announcement to retire from the ICO
on their 94th birthday.
Image
credit:
http://noelanirodriguez.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Crystal_Ball___Stock_by_Sassy_Stock.jpg
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