A battle hymn for the chocolate factory

If you can access electronic media, you must have been reading about Google this week. After all, who now can’t be aware that changes have been made to the words of the privacy policies that are associated with Google’s services? I’m not sure if, since people have not actually changed their privacy settings, it means that Google will actually be doing lots of stuff that they weren’t in the past. The vast majority of us probably don’t have much time to care, and are grateful that the Article 29 Working Party will be doing the caring for them.

I have not had the time or the energy to find out for myself precisely what’s gone on and, frankly, given the fuss that has been generated by this issue, I’m happy to wait until the courts tell me what it all means.

What a difference a few years make! It was only 27 months ago that Google was being praised to the skies by regulators for their foresight in creating a Dashboard control panel, which enables people to more easily access and adjust their own privacy settings. It was launched at an international data protection conference in Madrid on 4 November 2009.

I was so taken by the launch that I (somewhat) respectfully paid a tribute to Alma Whitten, one of Google’s gurus for privacy & safety, in the style (and using many of the phrases) of Julia W Howe. It was she who, during the American Civil War, wrote the original verses of the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" in single evening at the Willard Hotel, Washington DC, on 18 November 1861.

Spookily, that's so close to where thousands of privacy professionals will be flocking in a few days time, to attend the IAPP's annual Global Privacy Summit.

I hope Alma won't be offended. I’ve met her and have really enjoyed her easy manner, professionalism and deep commitment to fairness and transparency. She's still one of Google's shining stars!

My tribute was crafted during the course of a single evening, too. And it shows. It was originally posted on this site on 6 December 2009, and, with just a tweak or two, I think it’s time has come again.

A BATTLE HYMN FOR THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Board
It’s a simple way of knowing how your preferences are stored
All set up to win every privacy award
It’s truth is marching on.

Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! The truth is marching on.

I've heard Alma speaking softly to a hundred data chaps
They have built her a chrome platform which reads emails and her maps
It can also find her schedules and those pics of her kneecaps
Her day is marching on.

Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Her day is marching on.

I have read a fiery press release which really makes you feel
“You bureaucrats are ignorant and just don’t get the deal”
See the Hero, born a woman, crush the Commission with her heel
Since Alma’s marching on.

Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Since Google's marching on.

Alma's helped to build a Dashboard where the picture is complete
She is sorting out the hearts of men before they start to tweet
Oh, with self control, now plead with her: “Come photograph my street”
Our Alma’s marching on.

Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! And Google marches on.

In the beauty of the lilies she was born across the sea
With a glory in her bosom that transfigures you and me
As she works to make stuff useful, let us work to keep stuff free
While Alma marches on.

Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! While Google marches on.

She is coming like the glory of the morning on the wave
She is wisdom to the mighty, She is honour to the brave
I will start to use the Dashboard if Google promises to behave
As Alma marches on.

Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard!
Glory! Glory! It's the Dashboard! Yes, Google marches on.

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